Read on as Dr Sunita Patel breaks down the theory of anger, its management and more
-Dr Sunita Patel
The story of anger is that you wanted something, and somebody prevented you from getting it. Somebody came as a block, as an obstacle. This somebody can be person, situation, ideals or values. Your whole energy was going to get something and this somebody blocked the energy. You could not get what you wanted. Now this frustrated energy becomes anger…anger against the one who has destroyed the possibility of fulfilling your desire. It is the sense of feeling –
*Not being treated fairly
This happens to all of us at some point, in certain situations either with our loved once, at work place, in society, community, nation or globally.
All anger is not bad, sometime it can be a motivator for change but if starts affecting your day to day life, harming your relationships, affecting your health and becoming a pattern and the only dominant method of coping with unfavourable conditions then it’s time to step back and have a look at what could be the reason for this behaviour pattern and how to let it not have deeper irreversible affect on your life.
Different people interpret situations differently, so a situation that makes one feel very angry may not make someone else feel the same way. How someone interprets and react to a situation can depend on lots of factors in the person’s life, including:
A lot depends on how as a child you watched, observed or was a witness to the significant elder’s or parent’s anger and the meanings you drew from the same. Like…
*It’s okay to be angry or violent when things don’t go your way.
*People respond only to anger.
*Anger is powerful means to get your work done.
*A spouse has no option but to bear and tolerate the anger.
*It’s bad to be angry ( if you have witnessed parental violent outbursts.
*Suppressed anger as you were punished for being angry
Suppressing anger means that you now feel afraid of your own anger and don’t feel safe expressing your feelings when something makes you angry. Those feelings might then surface at another unconnected time, which may feel hard to explain.
Past experiences –
A past experience of certain situations which made you feel very angry either as a child or teenager and didn’t find enough opportunity to express the same can be the reason of heightened anger now or just a displacement of anger towards weak and vulnerable.
Present circumstances –
If you’re dealing with a lot of other problems in your life right now, you might find yourself feeling angry more easily than usual, or getting angry at unrelated things. Anger can also be a part of grief. If you’ve lost someone important to you, it can be hugely difficult to cope with all the conflicting things you might be feeling.
Anger has a peculiar characteristic- its first victim is the angry person him/ herself. So know your real enemy.